water seeping

(no subject)

Let's talk feelings again.

This week has been a weird week for me because I had been so looking forward to my time to myself, to do things that I like, but I'm not the kind of person who should have too much of a good thing. It doesn't do well with my conscience and the stuff I could have done, the more productive things, I was lax on and I felt bad for it and that badness just sort of further stressed me out. I didn't sleep well. I was upset frequently and defensive. I think, next week (depending on how I finish my activity. If I don't, I think I won't app this round. I can handle that), I might just not come online. Take a break from everything, work on things. My unis get back to me next week too. Perhaps finish my writing!

I met Klavier today! And yesterday too! And it sort of hit me how utterly hopeless I am at entertaining people. I just sort of go "SHALL WE WATCH THIS? OR THAT?". I really don't know how to talk much if I'm not talking about something I like! It was worse for me yesterday where I just sort of felt out of place. I dunno, I've never asked ex-Frau or Toph if they have ever felt... weirded out by me or uncomfortable. I feel uncomfortable with myself! It's not a stretch that they would too.

Maybe I am still lonely. I need a job. My last one didn't work out, I need to try again. I need to study, I need to meet people. I need to actively work on these things and I think, I need to cut down on my characters at RP. It's not like I can't manage them, I can. But I think it's time I managed things... life better? I guess? I'm not sure what would help (I probably won't drop people for that reason, but. I should at least consider it).

I think I will rewatch Utena at some point.
  • Current Mood: blah blah
Hon, I wasn't much better. In fact I talked less, I am pretty sure, because I'm equally useless at talking to people, especially for the first time. And I enjoyed spending time with you, I've been looking forward to meeting you since last year. I think it's always awkward the first time. I think we got into it better the later it got in the day. My usual idea of entertaining is to go to the movies, where there is no talking. So don't stress too much about it. If I lived here I would hang with you all the time.
♥ Yeah, I think later, I felt better. I did the same thing with Gwendal actually and it does take time. I tend to wonder if I'm a little overwhelming though when I get into it ♥ but I had a great time with you. Grangran is awesome ♥
The bloody internet cut off right when I pressed comment. Well, if it helps, I find it hard to talk about things I like, so I'm sort of the opposite. It takes me a while to build up the nerve to discuss things I'm interested in, because for most of school I was pretty much the only person in my friends group who liked them. Probably this is why I enjoy the Internet, because I have no trouble TYPING about it.

AND I LIKED GETTING TO SEE LOTS OF NEW THINGS, I'm really dull and don't watch new stuff often. Even though I was complete rubbish at Vesperia.
YOU WEREN'T THAT BAD. It took me ages to get used to it, okay.

I sort of love talking about my interests. A lot. All the time. :x I have no off-switch!
I like that, really. I wish I could be more open about stuff. But I've always been more of a listener.
Success was had. Anyway, I did enjoy today, and hopefully I can see you once more before I go. ♥
SEE YOU DON'T HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT ENTERTAINING PEOPLE. I think a lot of people feel that way and I always go all " . . . WHAT DO WE DO AAHHH" when I have friends over because I don't talk much about myself, it takes me a while to open up and stuff.

I think that taking time off from the computer would work as long as you relax. In theory, it shouldn't be necessary to do things, but I can understand the feeling. Maybe it's because you're not doing something productive in particular on a regular basis, so the feeling gets worse when you don't have your parents to remind you of that?

Good luck on the uni front, darling. DON'T APP IF YOU'RE NOT FEELING IT, there's time and stuff, just focus on making yourself feel better and don't worry about anything else. It's possible you're lonely, yeah, and I wish I could help with that. IF I LIVED CLOSER I WOULD ANNOY YOU SO MUCH IRL BECAUSE I'D WANT TO VISIT YOU CONSTANTLY, a-and stuff. I don't know what could help, but you can talk about it to me if you need to, maybe talking might work.

God this is long. I LOVE YOU. ♥
I know! But you know, when someone comes to visit, I need to at least entertain them.

Yeah, that's my plan for tomorrow anyway.

I'm not stressed out about apps, so it's okay. ... but I am never stressed out about apps so. \o/? I'll talk when I'll need to, no worries there.

I know, honey. But there was nothing to worry about, that was mostly my point. ♥

Good! I'm gonna miss you tomorrow, but as long as you're doing what you need then it'll be okay.

I was worried more about you trying to push yourself more, I know you don't really stress about apps. OKAY, I'd love to listen whenever you need it.

♥♥♥
Shhh you're fine. I'M ACTUALLY KIND OF AMUSED AT HOW "holy crap no idea what to do" we were. lol failure!!1 SO AS LONG KLAVIER DOESN'T HATE US (which I doubt she does) \o/
YOU WERE VERY ENTERTAINING I mean great at entertaining yes. You were :( I had fun.

I mean, watching things together is how geeks socialise. Most of the time I spend with my IRL friends is spent watching stuff together! Or discussing stuff we watch/read/whatever. That's what we do.
I am sure you would have entertained me just by being you if we ever met in RL. That is to say, I think you are fine the way you are & love you for it.
I know it's you, Jae ♥. WELL I blabber a lot and I'm like THIS IS WHAT I LIKE LET'S WATCH IT.
For what it's worth, I only started improving at entertaining people when I started to think of it as a skill (probably influenced by the fact that half my bloody family are salesmen) and...idk it kinda helps me some. Both by shifting it from "OH GOD I CAN'T THINK OF ANYTHING ENTERTAINING I AM A SOCIAL FAILURE AAAAAAAAA" into a puzzle. I'm still not all that good at it usually! But it's taken a lot of the stress out of it when I do fail. Having a hard time the first time you hang out with someone new is natural! Everyone has the same problem. As long as you all had fun anyway that's what's important.
I just sort of go "SHALL WE WATCH THIS? OR THAT?". I really don't know how to talk much if I'm not talking about something I like!
This screams ME all over it. Cuz I'm really the same way! I love meeting people (so so ridiculously much) but I always feel like I'm a) bothering them and/or b) boring them. It's definitely not a fun feeling but it's usually just us thinking that way! I'm sure that tons of people would find you the most precious and would wanna hang out with you all the time (hint: I would).