water seeping

I repeat, this is not an EMO post. Thank you



Okay, so Nat and I have been at it for a while (like tigers I swear. XD). And her argument was interesting in the sense that she says that Iason does not love Riki. And that made me think about Angie (where ever she may be. >.> Could kill her to contact me)

Anyway, Timmy's backstory starts here. Timmy had a bad time with her classmates. As a result, she went "Screw them" and did her own thing. And she met Angie (who still has the most awesome computer evah) and they became best friends. Timmy introduced her to yaoi and before she knew it, they were hard core yaoi fans (which is odd because I wasn't one before. XD I just supported Tyka).

The interesting end result of our friendship? We mentally fucked each other over several times. Angie was nicer to people (she stopped beating people up XD) and constantly I heard people tell me, "How did you do it?" which had me puzzled. I hadn't done anything.

So, we were fine for a year. Year Ten comes. Angie is getting ready to graduate (and I'm older than her >.>) and we had included some new friends into our posse. Vinit, the compulsive liar, Shehz the emo-retard and secretly Relja's long lost brother and Nishi the really, really smart and fashionable genius. We were like the punks of school (except more seclusive) and it was great. And there was Nathan, quiet boy who spent most of his time with us.

I think that's when I began to change. Angie spent more time with Vinit because she had a crush on him. I hated that. So much. I never hated Vinit, but when Angie went out without saying anything to me, I was really hurt. Then I exerted my control over her (because I'm a control freak) and starting hurting Angie and myself. We emoed a lot that year. Then Nathan came and my control lessened a bit.

But even now, I really do regret that part of my life. Constantly Angie would feel guilty for making me cry, I would feel lost, we were breaking apart slightly.

So, why then, did Angie come back? She could have cut me off (like I had done at some times) but, Angie kept coming back. And that is why I have such devotion to Iason/Riki. Because it does work, because Iason is so much like me it's scary. Angie is no Riki, but she changed. I could say I 'tamed' (I swear, that's what they called it when I was in school. XD It was interesting to set Angie on people.) her. But I regret it? I'm not sure. I think that 'taming' involves two people. You can't tame someone unless they will it so. Angie did want to change, I think and I just helped her with that. There were some things that stayed, but Angie had changed.

So what? You guys must be thinking 'Timmy must be losing it if she's comparing her life to an anime pairing. Especially an Ai no Kusabi one', but it's been nagging me for a while and just last night when reading Nat's comments, I had it clinched. So yeah, this is basically it.

  • Current Music: Nara - E.S Pothumus
So...basically you mindfucked someone and that's why you like Iason/Riki. Okayyyy. Know what? I mindfucked someone too, and that's why I will never forgive Iason. So. No, taming does not necessarily involve two people. You want to delude yourself, fine, but that's not true. I did that. I faced the result. You think it turns out fine? Yeah, right. You can show people the door to change, you can't force them through it. When you do, you break them. Maybe you break them a lot and maybe you break them a little, but you do. Iason and Riki don't have love. They have dysfunctionality.

Yeah, I'm working on a reply to your other comment, but it might take a while cos of stuff.
No, that's not why I like Iason/Riki. I dunno, it's more complicating I suppose. I've never been good in explaining it, but it feels right to me. I suppose I could say I never forced Angie to change. That much, I can admit happily. As for dysfunctionality, >.> yeah, they have that too.
Agreeing a little with both of you here (and I'm in this purely for argument's sake you soap opera retards (No, I love you, really) 'COMPLICATED' AYESHA, 'COM-PLI-CAT-ED'

Ai no Kusabi isn't based in the kind of world we live in. Iason thought of Riki as his posession, yes. He seriously screwed with Riki's head, yes. But he also cared for Riki. I'd go so far as to say he loved Riki. There's a heck of a lot of dysfunctional love in the world and screwed up relationships; dysfunctionality and love are hardly mutually exclusive. Was Riki's (possible) love for Iason latent and only really realised at the end (always assuming it is love rather than a sense of obligation that motivated him to go back to Iason)? I'd say, yes. Riki hated Iason for a very long time, because he saw Iason for what Nat saw him - a manipulative, controlling bastard. And in all honesty, we know he wasn't far off the mark. Hell, Iason was EXACTLY that for about half a year after making Riki his pet. Iason also risked what he had to keep Riki, no that doesn't mean it was love, but how can you put love in a box and define and dissect it and say 'that is what love is'. Love is a catalyst, it is something that can only provoke action in others. Some people show love by hurting, some people do it by giving flowers and candy. I don't believe Iason truly understood how much he was screwing up Riki's mind, his entire world is different. And he didn't want to break Riki's spirit completely at all, or he wouldn't be the Riki Iason 'loved'. He's not that stupid.

About the taming involving two people. That's a 'depends' kinda thing. Some people do look for an excuse to change. Some people just don't want to, but they're forced to. I'd say Riki was the latter. Under no circumstances did he ever want to be controlled. That forced change did mess with Riki, we all know that. However, he's probably a lot less screwed up than a bunch of people in our world or even his world because Iason tried not to completely alter him. Screwed up people live too. Riki was enough of himself to fight Iason, he was enough of himself to love Guy, enough of himself to resent the chains that bound him though he was 'tamed'. He was slightly broken, but who the bloody hell isn't? We've all been forced into change before, whether by circumstance or person, it doesn't matter. After all that Iason had done, Riki could have turned away, he didn't have to return. He did. To me, that's as much a declaration of dysfunctional love as anything. Like Katze says at the end, something about 'a love like theirs could only be requited in this way', la la la. Riki being a proud mongrel COULDN'T love Iason openly and live with himself. He'd be accepting the chains he'd sworn he never would.

You know, 'fine' is subjective most of the time, and 'fine' takes forever. But forever's only a matter of time.

Boy, I should write an essay on the topic. I would love to expound more, but my thoughts are extremely disorganised (as you can see). Maybe later.

Personal vent: I still support Iason/Riki. If we're all so inclined, or motivated, we can discuss this in school. Typing takes forever and I always lose my train of thought! Bloody mind
I'm glad we've all grown from this experience. Let's take a moment to bond.

*a moment*

Okay. I'm done. Back to college research... (:P)
ok, I know I'm late with my comment. (sitting here on my Dad's PC while visiting him ^^U)
I guess Angy came back because she still wanted to be your friend. Yes, she could have cut you off but the point is she didn't. At the risk to sound like the friendship bitch Tea/Anzu, That is friendship.

I admire those who actually can do that. I can only give second chances, but if they also mess them up, then I see no hope for those people anymore.

I personally don't like Ai no Kusabi. The mere concept to think of someone as a possession, a thing, sickens me to no end. Call me a rebel, but humans should be free, in mind, body and spirit. There is no romantic sense in owning someone to such degree. Those relationsships would never work because in the end, the spirit strives for freedom in some kind of way.