Daphne in the wood (bromantic) wrote,
Daphne in the wood

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I pimp the most amazing Smallville fic

CONNER, CONNER, CONNER IS AMAZING. I want a kid like that. XD

Here are some snippets of Conner amazingness and Lex. XD

Oh, canon knowledge btw. Conner is a clone made from Superman's and Lex Luthor's DNA. Yes, it's canon. No, he is not an OC. Yes, it's a fangirl dream come true.

Conner on the subject of his dad (Lex) -

"Yeah," Conner agreed. "Plus, his lunch is always freaky. Dad says their whole family is one big hippie experiment gone wrong."

"Yeah," Geoffrey echoed. Pausing, he added, "What's a hippie?"

Conner shrugged, and tapped his foot, impatiently thinking about Thursday. "Dunno. Dad says if he tells me I'll probably run off and do drugs."

Geoffrey scowled and ate his pudding. "Your dad says that about everything."

And this one -

"Maybe it was aliens," Geoffrey had said once during a sleepover at Conner's house.

"I don't think so," Conner had replied skeptically. "Dad put missiles on our house so he could shoot stuff down a long time ago."

Lex and punishment -

"So we've learned our lesson," Lex said.

"We learned about this in school," Conner mumbled. "This is cruel and unusual punishment."

"And we're not going to orchestrate elaborate escape plans that involve large amounts of collateral damage."

"I don't even care what 'collateral' means," Conner sulked. "It's in the Constitution. You're not allowed to do this to me. My brain is going to leak out of my ears."

His father looked at him appraisingly. "Well, don't get it on the clean towels."

Lex on being devious -

Lex almost reached for his wallet before he jammed his hands back into his pockets and glowered at Conner, who pouted: so close. Then, Lex glowered at Clark and asked, "Aren't you supposed to be covering the latest endowment to the Metropolis Children's Hospital?"

"Oh," Clark Kent said hastily, almost embarrassed. "Well, it was getting boring, and there were all these inane speeches. So I paid Larry from the Post twenty bucks to record it and--" Clark Kent's eyes widened, and he pointed at Conner's dad, voice raised, "You were the anonymous donor! You wanted me out of the office!"

"Whoa," Conner said, "Good move, Dad."

Clark Kent scowled at him.

"That," Lex said, "is definitely slander."

Lex on planning parties -

"Conner, birthday parties are important. They can make or break your reputation. Depending on what happens or who shows up, they can make or break you."

Conner stared at his dad. "Dad, I'm in the fourth grade."

"That," Lex said, pointing the marker at Conner, "is no excuse for shabby planning."

Conner made a face. "Is this one of those life lessons disguised as fun?"

"Would I ruin your birthday like that?" his father asked, turning back to the white board.

Lex for being so completely utterly himself XD -

"Fixed it," Lex said, smirking.

"Did not!" Conner argued, but he was grinning too much for it to really work.

His dad smiled. "Of course I did! I just called God, told him to clear up the weather because my son was having a birthday party."

Conner stared at his dad. "You did not."

Lex held up the cell phone and said, "He's on speed dial four. I swear."

Lex, Lois and Clark have a get together ...NOT -

"Oh, for God's sake," Lex said.

Lois smiled. "The more the merrier, right, Lex?"

Clark looked desperate and said, "This was all Lois' idea. I swear."

Conner and cloning 'accidents' -

"I--I'm like mold," Conner whispered to himself. It didn't sound encouraging.

His dad stared at him. "Um."

Conner stared back. "Mold," he said solemnly.

"I'm very confused," Lex admitted. "And you're not mold."

Conner narrowed his eyes. "Dad. Mold is the only wonderful accident I can think of right now."

Lex looked kind of like he was lost. "Mold," he repeated.

Conner tells his friends (AKA Geoffrey) -

Conner wrote back, No. It's weird. I'm like mold.

Geoffrey gave him a Look. YOU'RE NOT EVEN GREEN.

Conner coming in terms with his dad's...hobbies -

"Omigod," Conner said, hushed. "You stole me?"

"I found you when you were still a fetus," his father corrected, irritated.

"That's--wow, still! Dad, that's crazy!"

His dad started to rub his face with his hands. "God," he muttered.

"Whoa," Conner gasped, eyes huge. "Dad, you're like, a biological fugitive!"

"Conner, I'm about to throw you out of this car," his dad said warningly.

"How do you even steal a fetus?" Conner boggled. "Dad, you're like a criminal mastermind!"

Conner and his 'mom' -

"How--I mean, how?" Conner managed. "He didn't, you know, have me…did he?"

Conner dad looked ill at the thought. "No. It was purely scientific. DNA was combined and injected into an ova and--" Lex cut himself off, and after a moment, seemed to make a decision, and said, "and then nine months later, there you were."

Very quietly, his father added, "Conner, Clark doesn't know about you."

Conner was going to get whiplash from going between relief and horror.

So Clark Kent hadn't actually given birth to him, but he didn't know about Conner, either. Which actually explained a lot, Conner thought stupidly, and which made sense, but still hurt.

His dad waited a long time before looking at him and saying, "So, any further questions?"

Conner looked hard at Clark's picture. Ford Taurus, he thought.

"I--I'm going to need therapy," Conner said hoarsely.

His dad hummed in agreement. "That's what the cussing fund is for," he said sympathetically.

XDDDD READ IT. Even if you know NOTHING about the fandom. read it. I swear, it's worth your time. Just to see Lex and Clark be completely retarded.
Tags: ipimp, linkage

  • (no subject)

    With talk of Civil War and Ant-Man, maybe the MCU will destroy itself in a blaze of glory. One can hope.

  • Christmas fics!

    Request a pairing/fandom + prompt and I will write you something for Christmas.

  • (no subject)

    You know you have a good job when you spend hours talking to your boss about Lord of the Rings. I have a good job. Just wished it paid more though.

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