September 23rd, 2004

water seeping

Rant time

I don't like ranting because it's more my job to listen to other people's rant and be the calm cool collected (and sane) person.

It's not me.

But lately, I can see pieces of myself drop down and I'm losing my temper badly. I went os far to beat up a freshman because he was irritating me.

I can't aford to lose my temper.

Angevar scares everyone because she is violent, but truthfully, she is more *sane* than I will ever be.

I nearly did suicide once. The cut is still on my wrist.

It still hasn't healed.

I'm fascinated by the smell and touch of blood. I love the taste. Everytime I bit my lip just to taste it.

That scares me that I can be so absorbed in something that isn't...right.

I think the main reason I started writing Pyromaniac, is to vent out these feelings. The writing style has completely changed, and that worries me and yet....

Pyromaniac is the love of my life at the moment.

I need to fall, but I'm scared of falling...
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    'Vindicated' Dashboard Confessional