August 29th, 2005

water seeping

(no subject)

Today, I witnessed the unravelling of my psyche. It was painful, it did hurrt a lot and in the end, I did want to bawl out my eyes and cry. Because you hate yourself for not seeing it sooner. I knew this sort of thing existed. Actually, everyone KNOWS it exists. We just choose not to look at it in our lives.

Today, I just saw too much for my own good.

Social Services was not supposed to be easy. Heck, it's not even supposed to be nice. But when I entered the complex and saw those people. God, I don't think I've ever felt this sick before. And it's sad and I hate myself because I never saw this before. And I would have paid in gold to erase that moment. I feel like an evil child. An evil person who chose to be dumb when it came to issues like these.

I hate myself so much right now. I kept praying that I'd be taken away so I could close my eyes and cry.

It was horrible. Not because the people were bad, but I was a bad person. I could feel my own self-loathing choke me when I left.


Your Birthdate: January 15

With a birthday on the 15th of any month, you are apt to have really strong attachments to home, family and domestic scene.

The 1 and 5 equaling 6, provide the sort of energy that makes you an excellent parent or teacher.

You are very responsible and capable.



This is an attractive and an attracting influence.

You like harmony in your environment and strive to maintain it.

You tend to learn by observation rather than study and research.



You may like to cook, but you probably don't follow recipes.

This number shows artistic leanings and would certainly support an talents that may be otherwise in your makeup.

You're a very generous and giving person, but perhaps a bit stubborn in ways.




Rhea (or also spelled Ria) was with us yesterday. She seems okay, but she's all "SAS this, SAS that". I swear, I was sick of SAS after that. I'm glad I didn't go there. And the way she was checking out guys. Libido anyone? I'm not dissing here Nat, but didn't you find this a teensy bit annoying?