water seeping

THE RACE AROUND THE WORLD

So like the awesome Speed Racer dork that I am, I FINALLY decided to watch the last episode. No spoiler cut since this show finished in like. 1968. :/

And. omg. I love this cartoon so much.

  • THEY RACE IN SUBMARINES. TRUCKS. SHIPS. YACHTS.  PLANES. Clearly if you can drive a car, you're qualified to drive anything.
  • I like how it takes Speed a grand total of ten seconds of moping on the deserted island to go, "HEY WE COULD BUILD A RAFT TO GET OUT OF HERE" Oh speed you're wonderful.
  • Oh. GOD. The mean racers plowed down the penguins! That's DESPICABLE!!!
  • Speed is like the ultimate sexist out there. "I knew she was a girl when we shook hands. Her hands were soft!" Please note that  both Speed and Lovelace were wearing gloves. So. THIS DOESN'T MAKE SENSE (I love Speed Racer)
  • Oh. Oh my god. A giant car-sucking tornado. O-Oh my GOD.
  • I LOVE THE RANDOM RACER X CAMEO. Best stalker-brother ever.
  • It's highly appropriate that Sparky knows that Speed is a dumbass. "SPEED STOP HELPING OUR COMPETITORS" But Speed? Is dumb and doesn't listen to Sparky. :( poor Sparky.
  • So. The Mach Five's gas runs out. Racer X like the INCREDIBLE DOUCHE that he is, finds them in the MIDDLE of the Russian nowhere (actual quote. Sparky calls it the Russian nowhere.) and lectures Speed on what a DUMBASS DRIVER HE IS and how HE FAILS SO MUCH. And drives off. gg bro.
  • SPEED TAKES THIS WITH TRAUMA AND CRIES AND THROWS A TANTRUM OMG.
  • Then they realize Racer X left them with a gallon of gasoline on the ground.
  • In other words? BEST STALKERY DOUCHE BROTHER EVER!!!! Speed emotears for Racer X again.
  • THE MACH FIVE CAN JUMP ON MOVING BOATS.
  • Okay I kinda ship Lovelace/Speed. Too bad Speed is gay for racing.
  • SO Speed wins the race, becomes a world champion racer and Lovelace and her dad make up in TRUE SPEED RACER FASHION I love this show so much.
  • OH GOD SPARKY AND SPEED RIDE OFF INTO THE SUNSET. AND THEY LEFT SPRITLE AND CHIM CHIM WITH TRIXIE. HOW GAY CAN YOU GET?!
  • Also Racer X just luv watching over his brother. Seriously. He's always THERE. WATCHING. STALKING.
I'm sad that it ends with "SEE THE NEXT EXCITING EPISODE OF SPEED RACER!!!" and there is none. I feel kinda cheated ;;
Experience Speed would have if he'd actually studied for his Professional Stalker's license.
Which is why he'll never locate and properly stalk his own elder brother.