water seeping

(no subject)

Do you ever feel empty?

I'm sounding mental, I know. But it's raining here (Again. It rains everyday of the year) and despite the fact I picked up two good manga (Saiyuki Reload #1 and #4) yesterday (and a chibi Goku postcard).
Then my parents start talking about my career.

And I was...I felt lost. Like someone hollowed me out with a spoon. I don't write for the reviewers or anyone else. I write because...that's the the only way I know how to live. I live to write, so to speak.
And when I don't write, it's like I'm dying a slow and painful death and I lie there...

Not knowing what to do anymore.

I love the rain (despite the fact I am more of a Genjo Sanzo than anything else). They look like needles falling from the sky, a deep grey that engulfs my world so easily.

Once upon a time, I was like Son Goku. I loved everything and I was alive. But in my sixth grade, I was abandoned.

Thus, my love of life faded away and I began living alone. I have forgotten what it's like to have friends sometimes. I don't even believe in friendship, which is rather sad. But I try to believe in one person; myself. That way, I'm safer on my own.

But it's so hard, y'know? To be lonely.

I love the rain, I really do. Maybe I can drown, somehow.

They still look like needles.

God, I'm so forsaken here...nothing, no one but my books, comp and anime and I feel that I am suffocating in this perfect world that Singapore is.

Like a slow death.
  • Current Mood: crushed crushed
  • Current Music: '2+2=5" Radiohead
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I know
I know how you feel Timmy. -_-

I was lonely for a very long time when I was younger. Like 13 years. But when I got out of school and went into another I found a few people who I could call friends and later I also found asa-chan and now she´s my best friend. ^_^
Sometimes I still feel like that no matter how many people are around me. You know that sentence? To be alone in a crowd?

It´s sad that you don´t believe in friendship but I can understand that and I won´t try to change you. And if I could, I would at least visit you in Singapore. -_- But that´s soooooooo far away from Germany and not really cheap for me to fly there. >< (What I wouldn´t give to have the money for that. ><)

Why do your parents talk about your career? Isn´t that your business??? O_O?
Not really sure to phrase that correctly am not that good with this feelings stuff *blushes*

I can understand you. Because I also have not that many friends. I'm not close to them, I sometimes distrust them (thinking, why are they doing this? Do they have an ulterior reason motive it all?) I'm a really closed off person and sometimes very difficult, and I don't open up. I also sometimes think: friendship? Can I really believe in that?

But I met Leila and now I've found (to be sappy) a precious person, like Haku says it! I really hope you will find your passion for life again, because hey, don't let life get you!

Not a very useful advice but as I said, I'm horrible at being comforting and shit like that... *coughs* So please be happy again! *huggles you*