Daphne in the wood (bromantic) wrote,
Daphne in the wood
bromantic

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Okay, due to major depression of latest chapter, I started browsing around for some fic. Lo and behold, I find this little beauty and it helped by day a lot.

Written by Mikkeneko
Fandom: Full Metal Alchemist



So you want to write a fanfic...

...but you don't know how? Never fear! This document will provide you with a guide to all the major pairing dynamics in the fandom, such that you can just take your pick, add prose, and stir! Continue on to unlock its secrets!



1) Yaoi pairings

Elricest
Al (or Ed): I desire my brother. This is wrong and sinful, just in case we didn't have enough wrong and sinful stuff in our lives. Angst, angst, angst.
Ed (or Al): It's okay, brother, because I desire you too.
Al (or Ed): Yay! That makes it all better then.
(They have sex.)

Roy/Ed
Roy: Short.
Ed: I hate you!
(They have sex.)

Optional epilogue
Roy: I'm taking advantage of a boy half my age and under my command. Angst, angst, angst.
Ed: Roy, get back here and suck me.
Roy: Yessir.

Scar/Al
Al: Scar-san, I know you're a serial killer and all that, but I really believe you're a beautiful person deep inside.
Scar: ...
Al: ...
(They have sex.)

Greed/Kimbly
Kimbly: WTF?
Greed: Don't ask.
(They have sex.)

Roy/Hughes
Hughes: I've got a wife and child waiting for me at home, you know.
Roy: Oh, shush. Don't break the magic.
(They have sex.)

Ednvy
Envy: Whee! Time to fuck the Fullmetal shorty!
Ed: OH GOD SAVE ME. D:
(Cue the NCS.)

Scar/Ed.
Scar: You know, you have nice eyes, just like my brother's.
Ed: What a coincidence.
Scar: And you do alchemy, just like my brother.
Ed: What a coincidence.
Scar: And I'm hot for you, just like my brother.
Ed: What a coi... I'm going over here now, k?


2) Het pairings

Royai
Riza: Just in case it's not obvious by now, sir, I love you.
Roy: Uh?
Riza: I love you for being a strong and morally principled man who would never do such a thing as, say... *pulls out gun* break his trusted subordinate's heart.
Roy: Ah.
(Riza gets a new dog. Cute!)

503
Ed: Automail freak!
Winry: Alchemy freak!
Ed: Definitely not cute.
(They get married.)

Al/Win
Al: I just want you to know, Winry, that my true feelings are uh I um err well Ireallylikeyou.
Winry: Oh. Well, I'm glad to hear that and all, Al, but I'm afraid I'm in love with Ed.
Al: *bursts into tears*
Winry: Sike. You're so gullible, Al.
(They get married. Why do these things never involve sex?)

Ed/Scieszka
Scieszka: Hi, I'm library on legs.
Ed: MY FAITH IN A SUPREME DIETY HAS JUST BEEN RESTORED.
(They have sex, and start to build a shared book collection.)

Al/Ed/Winry
Ed: I'm going to marry Winry!
Al: No, I'm going to marry Winry!
Winry: I can't decide!
(They all have sex.)



3) Yuri pairings


Winry/Scieszka
Al: I'm going to marry Winry!
Ed: No, I'm going to marry Winry!
Winry: Boys are so clueless. *grope*
Scieszka: *blush*

4) Multiple pairings

Roy/Ed/Al
Ed: You're sexy, Colonel, but we're already involved.
Roy: ...you could share.
Al: Do you think so?
Roy: You're engaging in homosexual incestuous relations with your brother and you're concerned with a little societal more called monogamy? Throw me a bone here.

Roy/Ed/Riza
Riza: Good work, Fullmetal.
Ed: *smug* Why thank you, Lieutenant.
Roy (in coma): Blondes... blondes... everywhere blondes...

Ed/Al/Winry/Scieszka
Al: ...I really think this just happened that once. I mean, seriously, what author would be indecisive enough to stick all four of us together in some weird dysfunctional family unit?
Winry: Shut up and kiss Ed.
Al: Okay.




Other Instant Pairing Fanfics as contributed by Kaltia:

Royal
Roy: Ed's gonna kill me.
Al: Niisan's gonna kill you.
(they have sex)
Ed: I'M GONNA KILL YOU, PERVERT!

Greed/Al
Greed: You are large, and empty, and metalic. Excuse me while I throw a minion inside you. Yo, Martel, what's it like in there?
Martel: Plenty of room for your CENSORED in here, boss.
Greed: Great! *Rubs hands* You don't mind, do ya, kid?
Al: ... Do I have a choice?
Greed: That's the spirit. And now I'll show you what my ultimate shield can do...
(Cue teh armoursex)
Ed: I'M GONNA KILL YOU, PERVERT!

Roy/Havoc
Roy: Fraternisation.
Havoc: STFU and light my cigarette, bitch.
(They have sex. The bed catches fire.)

Greed/Envy
Greed: I am classy, suave and classed by fangirls as being 'nice', yo.
Envy: I'm a skort-wearing psychopath given constantstant unresolved sexual frustration and still found sexy by fangirls who obviously hates your guts and had you sealed for a century or so.
Greed:Suck me?
Envy: ... Sure.
(Much prolonged, violent and graphic homunculus sex follows)

Wrath/Al
Wrath: I HATE YOU.
Ed: Get away from my teacher!
Wrath: Not before I... ABSORB ALL HER CLOTHES INTO MY BODY! DIE, BASTARD, DIE!
Al: GET AWAY FROM HIM!
(They have tentacle rape.)
Wrath: How's it feel if I move my fingers.... THERE, hmm?
Al: Oooh, kinky... I MEAN, NO! BROTHER, RUN FOR SAFETY! LEAVE ME ALONE WITH WRATH, SAVE YOURSELF!
(More tentacle rape. And more. And more. And even more.)
Ed: ... I'M GONNA KILL YOU, PERVERT!



And YES, I will be coming to school tomorrow. For real.
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  • (no subject)

    I wonder if it's possible to make a life for yourself if you keep failing secondary education.

  • (no subject)

    I'm starting to wonder if good MCU Bucky players are like mythical creatures. Everyone thinks they exist, but they really don't.

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    With talk of Civil War and Ant-Man, maybe the MCU will destroy itself in a blaze of glory. One can hope.

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